I have a dream..

Today my oldest son' s teacher stopped me and had to talk to me about a little writing assignment they had this week in which she prefaced by saying, "I don't want to upset you..."

I knew this was  going to be just great.

In honor of Martin Luther King Day the class was asked to write a small paragraph about something they dream about. My normally very quiet child wrote about how his dad doesn't get along with his mom and that his wewa (my mother) doesn't get along with his stepdad and that he just wants it all to stop.

It broke my heart.  The problem is, I'm in total agreement with him.  My ex and I will probably never get along as best as we should, I try to remain as neutral about him in   front of the kids as much as I possibly can and my only hope is that one day they will be able to come to their own conclusions. As far as my mother and Joe, both of then are too stubborn to work it out for the kids. I have put in the towel with trying to get them to knock it off. No such luck.

So I've decided that I will just have to continue to accept the turmoil in my life and will hope my children will understand someday soon that sometimes adults just can't get along and that's just the way things are. Hopefully no matter the bad things these two adults say about each other either to the kids or while the kids are in earshot,  the children will know the truth themselves. They are super smart. I have no doubt it will happen one day.. just hope it's soon.

What gets me is that neither one of them will budge, knowing it continues to hurt both me and the kids.  What does that say about them? What does that say about me?  Is that me continuing a long cycle of emotional abuse and allowing my children to be exposed to it also? I do love my mom, she is my mother.. she adopted me when my birth mother had to give me up. I do love Joe, he's such a great person, he helped me realize I was in a terribly verbally and emotionally abusive relationship and has treated me like a princess since day one. I wanted him to be a role model for my children so they would know how a true, loving family unit should be. He is the person I want to grow old with and I'll steal his words "I want to hold hands and walk down the beach with you for the rest of my life".

I debated telling my mom about the letter but I did and of course, she expresses that she has no responsibility in this and that everyone else needs to change.. of course, why did I even bother?

Yeah.. I have a dream.. that I could just click a button and this all go away.