Why I distance myself

Things have not changed with my mom.  The same thing happens again and again.  Things go good for a little while, I try to be friendly and do things with her to get along.  Then all of a sudden she says things that make me so angry I question why I allow this to happen to myself over and over again.  Recently, Joe went on a work trip to Denver.  Joe has only been away three times since Cheyenne has been alive and two of those were work trips.  This last time on a work trip, Cheyenne had stated that she missed her daddy and my mom's response was "How do you think the boys feel when they're away from their mom every other week?" 

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When you are a grown ass adult and a child tells you they miss someone your response should not be a question, asking that child how they think their siblings feel when they are away from their mom every other week (when they're actually with their other parent).  Clearly someone has not gotten over the fact that nearly 9 years ago, I decided to divorce my ex and at that time, because I could not afford an attorney to fight otherwise, my ex and I decided to mutually agree on 50/50 shared visitation.  Week on, week off between the two of us.  This is the way it has been since June 1, 2009 and it has not changed.  9 years is a LONG time to continue to hold a grudge with me for something like this. GET OVER IT ALREADY!  A more appropriate response should have been "I'm sorry you miss your daddy but he'll be back soon."  Anything would have been better than pushing your disdain for my divorce on my daughter that she has nothing to do with. 

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Then even more recently, we were attending Austin's soccer game.  Unfortunately, Austin's team was losing and not performing their best.  At this particular game, Joe had come and so did Blake, my stepson.  Because of the nastiness he has endured from my parents for the last 9 years, Joe distanced himself and sat at a bench several feet behind all of us sitting on the sideline.  My actual preference would that he be sitting right next to me, but I understand why and I am just thankful he's there to show support to my son.  At the time, Blake had come up, given my parents a hug and asked them how they were doing and simply commented on how the other team was doing so good.  Cheyenne was sitting with me too at the time and had also made a comment about how at one point it seemed our team was not going in the right direction.  Again, children stating actual facts, that the other team was doing better and ours not playing in the right direction.  My mother held on to that for 15 to 20 minutes until she completely blind sighted me with a nasty comment about how they don't support Austin and they are talking "down" about him and that "I (referring to me) only hear what I want to hear" in the nastiest tone.  I was so caught off guard I had to ask her to repeat what she was spewing.  So embarrassing to me that the people next to me heard this.  It's almost like a disobedient child that you should apologize for their behavior if they acted out in front of people.  Anyway, toward the end of the game my dad made a comment about how bad our team was doing and I told him not to dare say a comment like that, even though it's the truth.

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Several months ago, she unfriended me on Facebook, wow, like that's the ultimate dis... just like a child would do.  I'm sure she did this because it disgusts her to see that I am having a happy life after divorce and that I have a healthy loving relationship with Joe and that our kids are thriving and doing very well in school. God forbid she see posts of us having fun as a family.   Then has the nerve to drill the boys about what we're doing and where we're going every minute of every day... well if you wouldn't have removed yourself you would be in the know. I am actually glad she did.  I used to see pity posts on her responses on my family's and friend's posts about what wonderful daughters they were and how they do so much for their parents and how lucky their parents are to have them as daughters. And to others what great daughters they because of how much they involve their parents in their children's lives, that their grandparents were so lucky.  Maybe if you weren't such a hateful nasty person you'd be more involved.  But, when you continually attack my relationship, my blended family and can't hold your tongue as an adult when MY children speak to you, it will never happen.

This is always twisted around to me how ungrateful I am, but actually, I am very grateful. I am grateful that they raised me to be a strong woman and not to put up with anyone's shit. It's not about them adopting me at birth and spoiling me completely rotten by giving me everything under the sun.  Who knows what my life would have been like had I stayed with my birth family. As far as spoiling me rotten all my life, I am grateful for that too.  It was an amazing childhood.  I had way more than I ever needed.  My parents have always spoiled my kids too, the cycle continues.  I beg her not to do so much but she does what she wants regardless of what I ask.  I am accused of making my children feel bad about getting such nice things from my parents when all I am trying to do is get them to realize that they should be humble and not ask for unnecessary things they don't need.  After all, I am their parent and should have a say when they are purchased things, especially things they don't need, things they don't know how to operate, gaming systems that require memberships to play and all kinds of other crap that then forces me to be responsible for that I know nothing about.